Happy Monday, Bitches. I give you: Satellite by Guster. This Monday's tune is dedicated to: RPM. Love ya, Sis. You're my Satellite.
Shining like a work of art
Hanging on a wall of stars
Are you what I think you are?
You're my satellite
You're riding with me tonight
Passenger side, lighting the sky
Always the first star that I find
You're my satellite
Elevator to the moon
Just a little favorite tune
Trying to get a closer view
You're my satellite
You're riding with me tonight
Passenger side, lighting the sky
Always the first star that I find
You're my satellite
Maybe you will always be
Just a little out of reach
You're my satellite
You're riding with me tonight
Passenger side, lighting the sky
Always the first star that I find
You're my satellite
You're my satellite
What do you do with the love you have left over?
Do you put it in a box and bury it for another generation to find?
Do you sell it for $0.50 at a garage sale?
Do you just sit back and allow it to die?
How does it die?
Can you make things out of the leftovers?
A love sandwhich perhaps, but...wouldn't you just be placing it back?
What do you do with the love you have left over?
I've been holding on to mine...
Praying it comes back in season.
When asked about my art, I usually tell people that it's not my hands...it's my fathers. Puzzled by the answer, I explain that if it wasn't for my adoration of my father and my yearning to gain his attention and good graces, I may have never picked up the pencil to begin with. What was once a sheer, "Look at me, look at me!" tactic, has turned into a passion, a therapy, and a journey.
In my childhood home, aboce the mantle was this beautiful acrylic piece that my father had done. It was of two seagulls, flying over crashing waves as the sun was setting. Mostly black, yellows, and red...my father made me feel as if I was standing at the shore. The birds would talk through the painting; you could almost hear their call and many times I imagined I could touch them. They looked as if they were ready to flea from the painting and fly out of our front door. I wanted to one day be as good as my father. To have that same ability to speak through my work and tell the viewer what I am thinking of. What I am going through or what I dream about.
So, these hands...they belong to my father. Without his expressionistic work, I would have never found my calling. Thanks, Pop! :)
Underneath this extremely unmanigable mane of hair, I have so many things swimming around my brain. I am somewhere I don't need to be, with someone I don't need to be with and I really cannot find a reason not to get the hell up and run for the hills. I cannot stand being away from him and when I am near him it makes it that much harder to breathe.
Damn, I hate this break up shit.
I've been doing a lot of thinking. Maybe it is out of boredom, maybe it is out of general unhappiness. I'd like to think it is because I do a lot of over thinking which results in me thinking about thoughts I shouldn't even be thinking of. Count all those "thinks" and I will give you a cookie.
Jeremiah once told me, "I think you are in relationships because you feel that you have to be in them." That thought has sat with me for the 2 months we have been apart. Is he right? Is that why I end up in relationships giving all of myself to these people to be shat on in the end? Well, to feel like I have been shat on.
I have an issue with rejection. I flat out don't like it. It's been bugging me out as of lately that the one person in the world I needed wanted, to want me doesn't anymore. I'm now a walking collage of inadequacy, self loathing, self doubt, retardation, frusteration, and sheer anger. Not a great place to be, but that's where I am at.
I find myself wondering what will happen that first moment I see him with another woman. Will I faint? Will I burst into tears? Will I send everyone in that room including myself to hell? Will I turn into Bulbasaur and take the whole place out. Depsite the odds, I hold on to the hope that we'll work it out. The Spartan in me basically is pulling me forward and saying to hell with the bastard, be his friend, and go get a bucket of chicken and some coronas. The hopeless romantic is just being a jerk and sucking up most of my emotions. It's bollocks, really.
I am looking forward to 2008, but saddened at the loss of my significant other. I don't want to fall in love in '08...I'd rather fall head first into myself and get myself back on track if any of that makes any sense? I'll tell you one thing though, I am starting the year lighter and a bit on the...oppy-toe-mistic side. Crazy for me, I know.
Show us what you hope Santa brings you.
It's been a month and some change. The smell still lingers and the heart still weighs a ton, but a las, I am breathing just as I would have before. Despite that awful sting and stab that we call starting over. Similar to that feeling you have when you build a lego tower and someone kicks it over. It sucks that your masterpiece is destroyed, but you just go back to rebuilding it. That's where my life is now: One gigantic reconstruction. I'm growing...whether I want to or not. The irony of being a young adult. Considered legally an adult, still fumbling with the tools.
I've worked everyday this week, filling in for those who have better things to do with their holiday season than to be at work. I really don't mind it, it's not that big of a deal. However, when it is made mention that I am only taking the hours because I am not spending Christmas with the ones I love most, it's almost like a punch to the face. My mother and sister being the saints that they truly are, sent me Christmas dinner! They found a company that does it and has my meal being delievered on Monday for my friends and I to enjoy! Not only that, but my buddy Jerrel (whom I call "Benny" from "Cidade de Deus") had a tree delivered to him, courtesy of his father. INSANITY. I love our loved ones, they made our dismal Chrimmus brighter.
That is all I can muster for now. I have to get ready to close shop and head home. Until the next session...
Salvador Dali
"Galatea of the Spheres"
What's your musical horoscope? (Put your player on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that come up.)
1) Stronger - Kanye West "Now that that that that don't kill me...can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now, cause I can't wait much longer. I know I got to be right now, cause I can't get much wronger. Man, I been waiting all night now, that's how long I been on ya." Creepy.
2) Nothing Better - The Postal Service "Will someone please call a surgeon; who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you're deserting for better company. I can't accept that it's over and I will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied game rivalry . So just say how to make it right, I swear i'll do my best to comply. Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together. I feel I must interject here, you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
with these revisions and gaps in history. So, let me help you remember. I've made charts and graphs that should
finally make it clear, I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave. So, please back away and let me go. I can't my darling i love you so, oh oh tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together. Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future. Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures. I admit that I have made mistakes and I swear I'll never wrong you again. You've got a lure I can't deny, but you've had your chance so say goodbye...say goodbye." Okay, this one stung a little bit.
3) Bleeding Orchid - Smashing Pumpkins "Youth is where you are. Faith some sinner's child. We're bleeding the orchid."
4) Was It A Dream? - 30 Seconds to Mars "Was it a dream? Is this the only evidence that proves it
a photograph of you and I? A photograph of you and I. A photograph of you and I... in love..." Starting to need some vodka.
5) Unsquare Dance - Dace Brubeck
6) This Is Not The End - The Bravery "Not even earth can hold us. Not even life controls us. Not even the ground can keep us down. The memories in my head, I just realized the time we spent.You always be close to me, my friend. This is not the end..."
7) Someone Must Get Hurt - She Wants Revenge "As I stare through you and I stand quite still and a alarm sounds just up the road I can tell you'd like some company but I can't fix you and you don't want me"
8) Oil and Water - Incubus Not even posting the lyrics to this one...but yowch.
9) Gulag Orkestar - Beirut
10) Love Is All - The Rapture "Sun goes up and sun goes down. I dig love and just having you around. Love is all." Pardon me as I go sob. K thanx bye.
